I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
