He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come on in and take your pants off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
