Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
