they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
