ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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