life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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