I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have already put on my inside pants.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Holy shit dude........stairs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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