Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
