there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
