Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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