Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize