I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
