Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
