"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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