So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
