Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
