I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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