Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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