Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
