I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
