why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
