is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
