Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
