how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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