that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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