I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
