You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
