What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
