Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
