you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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