If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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