Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
