I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
