When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
