now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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