I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
