Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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