naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
BRING THE BAGELS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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