all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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