Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
