just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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