wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
