i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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