MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
