but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
