Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
