I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
