i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
