Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
