I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
