well I can't set my house on fire every night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
