She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
