i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
