well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize