I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
