I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
