is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
