Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
