You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
