you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
