how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize